Monday, October 1, 2012

Thank You Notes from a Cyclist

The following is my attempt at some dark cycling humor. The style is based on the "Thank You Notes" seen on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. Enjoy!

  • Thank you The Law’s the Law, for allowing me to clean your side mirror, because you refuse to cross the center line as you drive past, even when there is no oncoming traffic.
  • Thank you Accident Free, for giving me the entire lane, as you pass by me drifting into oncoming traffic leaving a wake of destruction in your path.
  • Thank you Right is Right, for giving me the opportunity to test my brakes, as you zoom by me immediately prior to making a sudden right turn directly in front of me.
  • Thank you The Lane’s All Mine, for letting me showoff my ability to ride the “high wire”, as you hug the shoulder at intersections.
  • Thank you 2 Wrongs Don’t Make a Right, but 3 Left’s Do, for helping me demonstrate my quick reflexes, as you make your left turn in front of me as I enter the intersection.
  • Thank you Horn Blower, for help me attain my maximum heart rate, by honking your horn as you begin to pass.
  • Thank you Share the Roads – NOT!, for motivating and inspiring me to have the best ride possible, as you scream and yell as you drive by.
  • Thank you Noise Maker, for helping me to go deaf, creating a serine and peaceful riding experience, by installing excruciatingly load mufflers on your tin can of a car and gunning the engine as you pull up next to me.
  • Thank you Quick Stop, for constantly testing the maximum braking power of your vehicle, just before you enter the road I am riding.